i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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