Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
