I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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