i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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