just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
