I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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