drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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