why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
