these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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