I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
