dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
