yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
