Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
