I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
