I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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