just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
