last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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