the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
