The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
