I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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