so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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