im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
