is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
