o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
