he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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