you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
