Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
