I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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