when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
