Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
