I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
