Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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