drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You almost got us killed.
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I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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