Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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