I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
