Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
