I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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