honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Someone signed my nipple.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
