You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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