what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I have post one night stand depression
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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