the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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