it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
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