awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
