if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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