If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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