As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
