I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
