it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
