I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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