You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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