It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
