We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
