if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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