so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We have started to decorate penises.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
