why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
