Plan B is the new Plan A
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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