John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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