Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
