how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
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