No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
