I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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