ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize