So drunk its hurt
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize