I CAN MOONWALK!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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