Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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