I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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