Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
