Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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