Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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