I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
well you can't waste a boner
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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