Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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