I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
