dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm too high and old for this...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
