So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
