Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
