My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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