I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
