i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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