i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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